Serial Killer 11-03-08

The endorphin rush gets me home with just enough energy to clumsily lock the door behind me and collapse on to the hard unforgiving living room floor. The cold tiles are a welcomed contrast to the heat pouring out my over worked body. Who is next? I can only wait for an answer. He will eventually crawl out from the darkest corners of my mind, dance on the tip of my tongue and molest my eyelids until I am forced to open them again. Until that time comes I will think of nothing that he is so concerned with. The destruction. The blood. The tears. The laughter. Fuck! I am thinking of the darkest things after all. Or is he? I can never tell these days. He is so good at tricking me into this mindset. This irrevocable pattern.

I used to like it when I could escape from them all. I would be the one crawling into his darkest hiding places to find precious sleep. I didn't want to change the world! Sleep was the hidden treasure I was after and I suppose I found it too. That is where we met, him and I. In the world between sleep and those darkest places. I remember the long talks we would have. I thought he was the smartest person I had ever met. Funny too! He was so clever. That was how he eventually made a cozy little home inside my life. We simply spent too much time together. I let him search through the deepest places in my mind, places I had never even traveled to before.

One Friday night after work I was depressed and thinking of the life I have lived, or not lived, and I wanted to chat with him to clear things in my head. He was the best listener I had ever talked to. It was as if he could read my mind. Every topic of discussion was laid out exactly as I would have wanted it. So I went searching for him. Desperately. I searched for what felt like days. I looked in any place we had hung out. He was no where to be found and the others, well, they were never keen on having conversations with me. I traveled through the that world for days and checked every corner. It was as if he had disappeared completely. I was frustrated and beyond tired. I lost my temper and struck one of the others. They spoke to me then, in fear of what I would do if the silence continued. They explained that he made them promise to never speak to me. He told them that he was leaving their world and I was to take his place. He was the creator and they could only obey his orders. I reminded them of him. They told me that I was very similar to the boy they remember in the past. He was young once. He was a kindhearted person. He didn't creep through the shadows talking to himself back in those days. No, he was much like me then. I couldn't take it. The way they would look at me with such hope and admiration. They were only trying to distract me. Just like him! I told them that I would not stay in their world. I had a real life elsewhere that I had to be in. I had a daughter and a family that cared about me. They didn't care about these things. These once quiet and peaceful strangers became enraged and grew to become monstrous and frightening. They said I could never leave. It was his plan and nothing could stop it. I surprised every one there and myself. Instead of running or fighting them all, I simply slept.

I slept for so long that he eventually came back to me. He was a changed man. He told me that he was sorry to have tricked me so deftly. He was selfish and naive. He didn't know then what he understood so clearly now. He needed me. He needed the long talks. He was dying without me. I felt so relieved to see him. I had slept for so long that my dreams became a reality that was hellish and repetitive. I agreed to his offer wholeheartedly. We had to see each other to survive. I would live in my world half the time and then in his world the other half. We would never discuss what happened while we were in each others realms. I was happy again. The others were not happy at all. They tried to plead with me though he would not hear of it. They retreated back to their homes and were silent once again...



{And this is the only logical place I could find to stop. I could write about this story for a long while but tomorrow is another blog. Sheesh.}