Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Alabama Airshow Bitterly Transformed

"It may not be your favorite newspaper in the world, but it is hard to deny The Onion's ability to at least get a chuckle out of most people. Write your very own Onion-inspired article about anything you want. "


Onlookers were shocked this past weekend at an airshow held at Montgomery Regional (Dannelly Field) in Montgomery Alabama. The three and a half hour show was planned to have ended with an elaborate set of 10 jet fighters performing several complicated maneuvers while blindfolded and under the influence of PCP, a drug known to assist pilots who are constantly faced with the pressure of gravity and enclosed spaces.


The shows Disney sponsored program included the ever popular Dumbos Flying Circus; in which several large emus were dressed in elephant suits and dropped from a stealth bomber onto the applauding crowd after several passes and death defying corkscrew turns. One visitor, a veteran traveling from Montgomery Alabama, American George Hound 43, stated "I knew I couldn't miss this years show. It took 9 days to walk here and I think it was worth every step." He walked back home a proud new owner of an emu and a slightly used elephant suit. Other mentionable acts were Ursulas' hot air balloon squid toss and The Lady (Women True Fliers of Southeastern Alabama: WTFSEA) and the Tramp (mens flaming crossbow team) competition.

The scheduled finale time slot was planned to be 13 minutes in length with the explosion of the tenth plane to ignite the festivities of fireworks in a nearby hangar. All 9 planes hit their marks as planned with deadly precision and care while the tenth plane took a turn for the worst. Instead of nosediving into the firework filled hangar below as planned, the red and blue accented F-15 Eagle stopped in mid flight a mere 40 feet from the hangars roof. It then transformed before confused patrons eyes into what resembled a humanoid shape and grabbed what would be its crotch region and screamed loudly "Take this job and shove it, I ain't workin' here no more! Starscream out!" The stealth jet then returned to its original shape and flew off into the stratosphere not to be seen again that day.

Event planners swear to not have known this to be part of the show and apologize to anyone who was offended by the jets actions. They are offering free tickets to anyone who would like them. Redemption of free tickets are available by visiting the hangar that didn't explode and eligible to anyone who can show their original tickets. Event President and coordinator, Hubert Culbert, stated this to worried fans, "Next years show will be better than ever. There will be no disgruntled robots and double the emus with a few planned surprises. We hope to see you all there!"

2 comments:

sk said...

awesome! I just started laughing at my desk like an idiot. Yeah Transformers!!

ChicagoRilke23 said...

that was pretty cool. i would totally go to a show if that crap happened!