"(this is a bit of a regurgitated version of what came out of a previous topic, and I loved what came out of it so much I had to do it again) Create a conversation between two unlikely characters. At an Italian restaurant. And then Danny Devito walks by."
"This is not me. I have no clue where this picture came from or who this person is. How about you go back in the room with your boys and try and come up with something more believable?" He was not taking the fall for some stupid fucks mistake. Not this time. He had spent his early years in San Quentin after being caught up in a Federal sting that involved the Clown. He never sung, no matter how many offers they threw at him through his cell bars. No amount of burger could turn him into a filthy snitch.
"Time's up asshole. You are the only one left who hasn't talked. Your buddies... the guys that had your back and all, well, they sold you out as soon as their puckered asses hit the same metal folding chair your ass is in now. I assure you, you will fold too." The detective was a tough guy. He had seen men much harder than him break down and cry like newborn babes with a diaper rash. "I will be back in fifteen minutes and I expect you to sing. Hows about you put on a wig and dress for me? Do a little Britney for us? I hear she's comin' back." The detective signaled the cop monitoring the interrogation room through the paneled mirrored glass. The heavy iron door buzzed, electronically unlocked and swung open. He slammed it behind him without looking back.
The ex-con only sat there staring at the picture that was shoved across the table. From this angle the man in the picture looked so familiar. He couldn't place him. Where had he seen this piece of shit before? Was it at another job? At the massage parlor? He had to find out before this ballsack of a pig fucked him into a confession.
Exactly five minutes passed when the door buzzed, unlocked and swung open again. This time it was his good for nothing vampire of a lawyer. She looked at him with eyes that screamed 40 percent. What the fuck did she know? Why the fuck is she smiling like a retard?
"You are free." She spoke with such confidence. She was quite an attractive bird when she wasn't wiping the sweat from her forehead. "They caught their man trying to escape into the sewers early this morning. He was positively identified as a Mr. Danny Devito. I have already filled out the paperwork for your release. That Detective Scrotes, he has a listening problem for sure, but he won't be giving you any more trouble either. Hamburglar, you are a free man!"
He should have slapped her for stalling so long. He was left thinking he would rot in the slammer for good this time. But he didn't hit her this time. He grabbed Miss Birdie E. Bird and kissed her deeply. Now he only had to find that fat fuck Grimace and make some grape jelly out of his ass. The Clown had set him up again.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YoUl-VEGEYM
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/McDonaldland
3 comments:
Very fun! Developed, the burger reference was well done.
hahaha! well done. sheesh.
this is actually some of your best writing. take out the fun, ironic parts and you have the potential to write somce great crime/detective shit.
Word verification=falic
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